What Pets Write IN THEIR DIARIES.......... 
 Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......      
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing! 
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!          
      Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary..           
Day 983 of my captivity..    
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.  
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, 
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.  
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.  
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  
Ba*****ds.  
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.  
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors 
by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.  
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. 
The dog receives special privileges. 
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  
He is obviously retarded.  
The bird has got to be an informant.  
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly..  
I am certain that he reports my every move.  
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.    
For now..............  
  
 Steve