My Holiday from HELL
Posted: 11 Oct 2007 11:34Ok so it wasn't, but i got your attention!
Now for the people who didnt have the pleasure to meet the motley crew whilst we were there i will help you out with the following names:
Ian - Chubbs
Vicky - Large
John Toohey
Sharon - Sharon
Lez - Lezmond
Tina - Straw sharpshooter
Jack - Stinky keggs
Phil - **** Phil
Andy - Andy
Karen - Karen
Rami
There will be others but i want to get on with the review.
Mine and larges holiday started the night before everyone elses in the hotel bar then moved onto the........anyway.
The airport the next day was fine, we eventually found the check in desk, thank you to **** phil for the alcoholic refreshments that were consumed in the check in desk cue and thank you to John for the extra legroom.
Good transfer, with Icmeleronline.
Andy, Karen, John, sharon and myself and Vicky were staying at the iguana apartments. Very nice, lots of air conditioning units to boost my carbon footprint, lots of ammenities and best of all, cheap porno telly from eastern europe.....love it, not as much as Andy and Karen though!
Now because we have been to Icmeler a good few times now, we always find our first couple of days being dragged, arm twisted, kicking and screaming into bars to see people we meet, so for our first day.......it was a bit of a blur to be honest. I think we did eat in the Majestic on the canal. The food here is second to none, fantastic range and can we thank Jan for his great hospitality and the fact that he got large up to do some kissing game for which she came dead last!
I'm not going to go through day by day, but i will do trip by trip and event by event.
**** Phil and his now legendary "Paris to Berlin" routine was needed to be seen by all, especially the time when he decided to jump from Zsa Zsa's main bar onto solid marble floors and break his heel, now Phil reckons this spoilt his holiday because he had to sit in the bar all day, John reckons thats all he would do anyway!
Stella show.....twice, brilliant. To anyone that hasn't been to the show at harmony bar, please go and experience this born entertainer. I always find sitting at the front is the best, no audience participation, just good old adult humour.
Gypsy Beach was again excellent, this was the second time large and I had been and hopefully this retreat from the normal chaos will not change and this true reflection of small village life in Turkey will stay the same for others to enjoy in the future.
The food is excellent here, cooked on an old fashioned bar b q complimented by homemade mezes.
With me being on a diet i only had a small portion of the kofte meatballs whereas large had everything on the menu and was disgusted to find they didnt sell profitoroles.....all that is true apart from the last bit.
Lezmond and myself had the great privilage to taste turnc vodka, the aromatic flavours run across the tongue like the lead pack of the great north run, flavours bouncing about, at one point i thought it tasted like whisky, but everyones taste is different.....wink wink!
The Boat trip......another great day which i have had the pleasure to experience before.
This year John and myself decided we would have a pirate theme.
John bought the props, i bought a huge 5' x 3' scull and crossbones and large left it at home!
Now i'm not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but John had a bit of a dicky tummy, so he was a little bit subdued this time, only breaking one camera and mobile phone with his water antics.
Fishing trip.....good day, relaxed and near the end of our holiday.
Zsa Zsa and myself caught the two largest fish, but in total the group caught around 30.
That night we feasted like kings back at the bar, freshly caught and cooked fish with fresh bread, garlic pasta and turkish salad.
For the two weeks we were in icmeler, we ate out every night, so now i'm going to give a brief account of where we ate and a few words about it, i intend to put proper reviews on the relevant page.
Majestic - Fantastic, second to none
Havanna bar - Worst curry ever
Masala - Best curry in Icmeler, nice heat on the tongue
Lemon Tree - Worst meal ever had in icmeler in five years
Erdim Cafe - best spag bol, and cheap
Vinces - straightforward no nonsense food, great value
Kingsland - disappointing
Karma cafe - undiscovered cake heaven, find it and try it
Peking - Spot on chinese
Florida - Classic good food
Hob Goblins - bit cold, but tasty
English chippy - still nice
McDonalds - like i would visit mcdonalds
One last experience i would like to share with you is the night John and myself tried the drink all you can for £10 at the hob goblin bar.
After 17 large vodkas and several cocktails and bottles of Efes each , trying to get a decent conversation out either of us was some mean task, John reckons it was bad vodka, i reckon it was the only vodka he had left after we drank the good stuff.
We must have got our moneys worth because we were not asked back!
To finish off i would like to thank the people whos holiday i made for them, i am available for all family occasions, christenings, barmitzvers, circumcisums etc. without you lot i wouldnt have anyone to entertain and offend.
Tina, my straw spitting buddy, Lez, 3 foot of 10 pin bowling fury, sharon, love to see those cheekbones, John, stop knocking on my door and preventing me from getting a special lie down, diane, fellow geordie in turkey, even if you are from Blyth, collette, thanks for bringing your mam, collettes mam wendy, thanks for making me feel like a fireman calling me sam all the time, gene,anne,andre, great meeting you eventually and no andre never beat me at bowling, donna, my fellow pirate, andy and karen, thanks for rating everything out of 10, **** phil, thanks for the dancing memories, rami, no thanks for the bar street memories, zsa zsa, thanks for letting me spend my hard earned cash in your bar and large, thanks for putting up with my whining when i had the shits for two days and my bum felt like a dropped peach.
If i've missed anyone out then i do apologise, let me know and i'll post some form of comment.
Last of all, if you want to travel to and from dalaman airport in luxury, without screaming kids and smelly old people, ask john or rami about the new bus theyve got, i got it home and it was well worth it!!
Cheers
Ian aka CHUBBS
Now for the people who didnt have the pleasure to meet the motley crew whilst we were there i will help you out with the following names:
Ian - Chubbs
Vicky - Large
John Toohey
Sharon - Sharon
Lez - Lezmond
Tina - Straw sharpshooter
Jack - Stinky keggs
Phil - **** Phil
Andy - Andy
Karen - Karen
Rami
There will be others but i want to get on with the review.
Mine and larges holiday started the night before everyone elses in the hotel bar then moved onto the........anyway.
The airport the next day was fine, we eventually found the check in desk, thank you to **** phil for the alcoholic refreshments that were consumed in the check in desk cue and thank you to John for the extra legroom.
Good transfer, with Icmeleronline.
Andy, Karen, John, sharon and myself and Vicky were staying at the iguana apartments. Very nice, lots of air conditioning units to boost my carbon footprint, lots of ammenities and best of all, cheap porno telly from eastern europe.....love it, not as much as Andy and Karen though!
Now because we have been to Icmeler a good few times now, we always find our first couple of days being dragged, arm twisted, kicking and screaming into bars to see people we meet, so for our first day.......it was a bit of a blur to be honest. I think we did eat in the Majestic on the canal. The food here is second to none, fantastic range and can we thank Jan for his great hospitality and the fact that he got large up to do some kissing game for which she came dead last!
I'm not going to go through day by day, but i will do trip by trip and event by event.
**** Phil and his now legendary "Paris to Berlin" routine was needed to be seen by all, especially the time when he decided to jump from Zsa Zsa's main bar onto solid marble floors and break his heel, now Phil reckons this spoilt his holiday because he had to sit in the bar all day, John reckons thats all he would do anyway!
Stella show.....twice, brilliant. To anyone that hasn't been to the show at harmony bar, please go and experience this born entertainer. I always find sitting at the front is the best, no audience participation, just good old adult humour.
Gypsy Beach was again excellent, this was the second time large and I had been and hopefully this retreat from the normal chaos will not change and this true reflection of small village life in Turkey will stay the same for others to enjoy in the future.
The food is excellent here, cooked on an old fashioned bar b q complimented by homemade mezes.
With me being on a diet i only had a small portion of the kofte meatballs whereas large had everything on the menu and was disgusted to find they didnt sell profitoroles.....all that is true apart from the last bit.
Lezmond and myself had the great privilage to taste turnc vodka, the aromatic flavours run across the tongue like the lead pack of the great north run, flavours bouncing about, at one point i thought it tasted like whisky, but everyones taste is different.....wink wink!
The Boat trip......another great day which i have had the pleasure to experience before.
This year John and myself decided we would have a pirate theme.
John bought the props, i bought a huge 5' x 3' scull and crossbones and large left it at home!
Now i'm not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but John had a bit of a dicky tummy, so he was a little bit subdued this time, only breaking one camera and mobile phone with his water antics.
Fishing trip.....good day, relaxed and near the end of our holiday.
Zsa Zsa and myself caught the two largest fish, but in total the group caught around 30.
That night we feasted like kings back at the bar, freshly caught and cooked fish with fresh bread, garlic pasta and turkish salad.
For the two weeks we were in icmeler, we ate out every night, so now i'm going to give a brief account of where we ate and a few words about it, i intend to put proper reviews on the relevant page.
Majestic - Fantastic, second to none
Havanna bar - Worst curry ever
Masala - Best curry in Icmeler, nice heat on the tongue
Lemon Tree - Worst meal ever had in icmeler in five years
Erdim Cafe - best spag bol, and cheap
Vinces - straightforward no nonsense food, great value
Kingsland - disappointing
Karma cafe - undiscovered cake heaven, find it and try it
Peking - Spot on chinese
Florida - Classic good food
Hob Goblins - bit cold, but tasty
English chippy - still nice
McDonalds - like i would visit mcdonalds
One last experience i would like to share with you is the night John and myself tried the drink all you can for £10 at the hob goblin bar.
After 17 large vodkas and several cocktails and bottles of Efes each , trying to get a decent conversation out either of us was some mean task, John reckons it was bad vodka, i reckon it was the only vodka he had left after we drank the good stuff.
We must have got our moneys worth because we were not asked back!
To finish off i would like to thank the people whos holiday i made for them, i am available for all family occasions, christenings, barmitzvers, circumcisums etc. without you lot i wouldnt have anyone to entertain and offend.
Tina, my straw spitting buddy, Lez, 3 foot of 10 pin bowling fury, sharon, love to see those cheekbones, John, stop knocking on my door and preventing me from getting a special lie down, diane, fellow geordie in turkey, even if you are from Blyth, collette, thanks for bringing your mam, collettes mam wendy, thanks for making me feel like a fireman calling me sam all the time, gene,anne,andre, great meeting you eventually and no andre never beat me at bowling, donna, my fellow pirate, andy and karen, thanks for rating everything out of 10, **** phil, thanks for the dancing memories, rami, no thanks for the bar street memories, zsa zsa, thanks for letting me spend my hard earned cash in your bar and large, thanks for putting up with my whining when i had the shits for two days and my bum felt like a dropped peach.
If i've missed anyone out then i do apologise, let me know and i'll post some form of comment.
Last of all, if you want to travel to and from dalaman airport in luxury, without screaming kids and smelly old people, ask john or rami about the new bus theyve got, i got it home and it was well worth it!!
Cheers
Ian aka CHUBBS
